Hii fella,

What a nice-kind-of-night tonigh, cold weather (sebab petang tadi hujan) + a mug of hot tea ( first attempt masak serbuk tea dengan air dalam periuk haha) + wearing a pair of socks and a warm blanket. Malaysian's weather should be like this for a little bit more longer haha. ( so i can wear all my big hoodie without been judge HAHA)

Aku sepatutnya siapkan minit mesyuarat yang dah tergendala since a few months ago but little bit distracted sebab dah connect internet with my laptop haha so here I am now . I will never win with a laptop with internet *sigh*. WARNING! If you all nak buat kerja kat laptop, DO NOT EVER, EVER AND EVER CONNECT WITH WIFI/INTERNET sebab dia akan menjurus anda kepada kesesatan yang nyata jauh dari niat yang awal-awal why kau buka laptop tadi haha 😂😂😂

So, it has been a few weeks aku menganggur AGAIN and sepanjang a few weeks tu aku keep got a call for an interview and keep apply for an office-hour job cause i want to have more time with my life plus nak timba pengalaman more before sambung study ke peringkat lebih tinggi. I wish to apply for Administration or something more to business kind of studies or maybe aku nak apply dalam bidang physcology kanak-kanak (sebab nak jadi cikgu kaunseling HAHAHA 😂)

So, for a few weeks ni I learnt a lot about the life of Malaysian and aku also meet a few kind of peoples yang macam-macam ragam and kerenah. I'll never thought of myself jenis yang easy to talk with strangers such as kat dalam train, tempat menunggu ketibaan train or anywhere but you know when you are that kind of people yang can talk to strangers, you also someone yang easily to approach but somehow you tak semestinya someone yang easily can approach anyone haha like me. You can talk to me and have a small chat with me but on my side I will think like for a dozen time before i talk to you cause for me, I am little bit afraid if I approach a person with a wrong way like asking a dumb question that will lead to awkward situations. So I really hope you all don't misjudge me if I be so quite and look very awkward. It is not because I don't like you (sometimes) but it is because a person like me do not really have a large circles of peoples that I always talk to or approach but I realize that I really need to change, I really need to improve my communication skills and also I really need to be more natural and not to overthink every time I want to talk with someone.

Okay, other things is I learnt a lot about myself also. About my weakness, about how small and less my knowledge is like you suddenly realize how big is this world. No wonderlah ada peribahasa, " Jauh perjalanan, luas pandangan." Indeed, you will see more then you ever thought. You will learn more then you already know. So, one of azam for 2018 is to travel more and learn more about this world, InsyaAllah.

I really want to continue more but my neck is killing me hahaha i guess sebab salah baring tadi. It is really hurt doh, like seriously hurt.

So, i guess i will share more about the lesson i get in my next entry ( i don't know when but insyaAllah we will gonna meet soon. )

much love from specky girls,
xoxo,
goodnight !

Do you ever wonder,
how all this time you were sitting alone,
thinking,
wandering,
about how you can change this pretty big world.

Maybe, not this world..
the world that you live now..
the world that you see now..
just YOUR world.. your pretty little world...

Your pretty little world,
how wonderful it is.
You fill it with your biggest dreams and your fantasy,
dreams, and dreams that you wish one day it will never be a dream anymore.

but, why?

why this dreams that you dream is faded?
you wondering why suddenly it changed.
and then you, no. Me. realize. that I am not in a dream anymore.

Looking at the night sky. black. without stars.without the moon.
just like my dreams.

why this is happening?

the night before the Christmas, I come to my consciousness.
I realize, that I do not dream enough.

To change this pretty big, I mean my pretty big little world.
I need to dreams more. Just like how the dreamer who dreams that they can change the world.
So do I.
I'm gonna change mine.
Start with changing my dreams.

nuevo comienzo, otra vez. ( new start, again )

Assalamualaikum and a very good night everyone. Long time does not see aite? I guess blog ni pun lil bit berhabuk sebab dah lama sangat tak update apa-apa right? hahah im sorry for that. Quite little bit busy this day owhh yeah forget to tell uolls! gue udeh kembali sih. Udeh kembali ke negeri kelahiran gue and now I'm working part-time to fill my demand lol hahaha . I am also working with my friend in his company and still doing a job to raise it up to a better place. Please pray the best for us okay :)), thank youuu!

So, as you know my last entry was about me moving to Sabah and feeling sad cause being apart with my everything Semenanjung and now I'm here being apart with Sabah me also felt the same things hmm..

I never imagine my life gonna be this kinda plot twist of life haha first I thought I will stay forever and live my life at Sabah and suddenly here I am, sitting in the living room in my lovely house at Semenanjung. practically typing a story on my blog which is almost three months not updating any entry. Do ever imagine my life gonna be like this? no. we will never imagine what kind of story we gonna into for the next second. for sure, there is a reason for everything and maybe I just can't figure it out yet hm.. I kinda miss my queen, my king and my little princesses back there and already decide to go home this Nov but somehow I also do not know if my King gonna ask me to stay if I am home this Nov. I just wish they already see that I can handle my life now. Not for fully handling but still I survive for three months without them :) and I hope they can see that :)) please wish all the best for me :)) cause I really need that hahahaha. I guess it is nueva comienzo, otra vez right babehhh !!!

I am gonna take a full advantage of this new beginning and im gonna be happy just the way I like!

FIGHTING !!!

Assalamualaikum and hii uolls. Nice to meet you again.
Before apa-apa, I nak ucapkan Happy Ramadhan Kareem !! Happy fasting to all muslim and all non-muslim who try to fasting on the first time for this year. Hope this Ramadhan will make us to be a better person. InsyaAllah.

So, apa khabar? im doing fine here just beberapa hari lepas kena selsema & demam. Berjangkit dengan adik bongsu huhu. If i tak silap harini merupakan Ramadhan yang ke-8 or 9? or 10 ? haha i tak ingat but alhamdulillah sepanjang Ramadhan me just doing fine here :)

So, just a few days je lagi i akan bertolak ke Sabah. Barang-barang hampir 80% dah siap kemas and kotak-kotak pun dah siap susun. Just barang-barang dekat rumah lah nak kena pack masuk dalam beg and kotak terus simpan dalam stor. My mum taknak barang kesayangan dia kena habuk and rosak so yeah kena siapkan semua ni before berlepas..

Banyak kenangan I dekat sini (rumah sekarang). Nak diikutkan rumah sekarang ni rumah paling lama I and my family tinggal jika dibandingkan dengan rumah sebelum-sebelum ni. Family I suka berpindah-randah and I pun kerap tukar sekolah so yeah tak banyak kenangan sangat jika dibandingkan dengan rumah sekarang. Little bit sad sebab banyak benda kena tinggal and kena berjauhan buat sementara waktu ni tapi I positifkan my mind ini hanya sementara, Lagipun I bukannya gonna erase all my memories dekat sini haha. The only thing yang akan I bawa sampai bila-bila lol hahaha,

If sebelum ni I agak 'terseksa' , rasa sedih and geram bila  kitorang kena pindah LAGI tapi bila I take time fikirkan benda ni also dengar kata-kata from kawan-kawan rapat also kesayangan plus my own parents I start to think rasional and accept segala yang tengah berlaku. Also when my own mama ask me about her decision to move this time I start to think yang apa yang berlaku ni demi kebaikan our own family juga, So, i guess this is not a bad decision on at all. I can go through all this things. I just really hope that all this gonna went well. Maybe not like what I hope but at least I hope it not gonna turn to bad. InsyaAllah. Please pray for us okay ? Thank you :*

I guess lepasni uolls akan baca entry I dalam dialek sabah lah pula hahah mau jadi sumandak sudah aku ni haha, Hope tak digelar "budak kl" sudah macam i used to kena masa mula-mula pindah kelantan dulu hahaha. Serious talk annoyed gila bila orang panggil dengan gelaran tu. Tak tahu kenapa but i just hate it. Lepasni kena sesuaikan diri dengan waktu dekat sana pula. Lagi-lagi bila bulan puasa ni haha sahur pukul 4:30 uolls sebab dalam lima lebih macam tu dah Subuh tapi part paling best berbuka dalam 6:30 lebih kurang macamtu. Bolehlah I kenakan kawan-kawan I yang duduk semenanjung ni nanti ngeh ngeh ngeh. Selain daripada tu I kena start new connection dekat sana. Duduk rumah sekarang ni jangankan nak jenguk, bertegur dengan jiran pun idok. Almaklumlah duduk flat. Kat sana duduk rumah atas tanah so yeah suasana dia tu lain sikit lah i rasa. hmm wish me all the best lah. After bertahun duduk rumah bertingkat-tingkat akhirnya duduk juga rumah atas tanah haha. Alhamdulillah lah. Banyak benda lagi kena titik beratkan but i choose to ignore it for a while. I nak tunggu sampai sana baru I fikirkan sebab masa dekat sini I just nak fokuskan dekat sini dulu.

I guess semuanya akan berjalan lancar.. I just kena take a small step to get out from my comfort zone and I will take this as a challenge and I yakin I mampu hadapinya, InsyaAllah.

For now I just menunggu hari and busykan diri sikit dengan aktiviti mengemas ni also I kena try take time sikit to spend with my love one before I blah dari semenanjung ni haha.

Biarlah berjauhan for sementara yang penting I still dekat Malaysia. Hope tak adalah orang ws nanti tanya, 'Bila nak balik Malaysia?' like what ???? nampak sangat fail geografi and sejarah hahaha mau kena gelak sama aku nanti hahahahaha.

Enough for today, so bila ada masa lagi and ada mood nak menaip I will update lagi and akan let you guys know. Thank you for give me some of your time to read this entry.
Iloveyouollssomuch.

Night & Happy Ramadhan Kareem ! (wave hands)

xoxo, the owner. 

Bila paling tua je mesti kena galas tanggungjawab from yang lagi tua and kena take care yang paling muda. Especially when you anak perempuan sulung. You are soo lucky if your life as a big sis is soo great. No pressure from you parents or from you siblings.

 Since my age 6 years old, i already galas tanggungjawab as kakak. Since that age i start to learn not to think about myself and just be the best for both of my parents. They always want me to be what they want me to be. If they want me to be a good sis, i need to be a good sis. If they want me to be a good daughter, i will be the good daughter they want. But still...it still not enough i guess. Even when i try my best to be a good daughter and good sister it still not enough. Cause once i can't control my anger they will list all out my mistakes that i had done before. Like it was not enough.  Like the only thing i did is a mistakes and nothing good. Like i never make them proud.

Im only a human being, im only a normal daughter, i am only a normal big sister who can do mistakes. I am only someone who have anger. I already do the best to be what they want me to be. Why it still not enough?

Should i create more characters inside me. Someone who never ada perasaan marah ? Someone who never talked back bila kena marah atas kesalahan yang bukan salah aku ? Should i be that kind of person again? Should i stop being truth about myself ? Should i stop being me ?

Tell me that i have done the best. Tell me that everythings that i did is already good enough. Tell me that i have been a good daughter in this family. Tell me that you are proud to have me as your big sis. Tell me that.......i can be a good daughter and big sis.. just tell me i already have done everything that you want me to do...

Tell me to take a rest and just be myself. Even for awhile.  Cause i know my responsibility is to be the best daughter and sister that this family ever have. I can do that. Just please stop make me feel like i have done nothing in this family except mistakes.

Just tell me...
Just that i want to hear....

Hii uguys :)
Long time not see right ? Already missing uolls soo much haha.
Okayy today idk why suddenly i just wanna writing something on my blog. Maybe nak buat luahan sesi perasaan sikit hahaha. Owhh forget to up-to-date about my life. Sekarang ni I ada kerjaya baru lepas empat bulan intern dekat tempat kerja my mum. Cuba teka pedia ? Takyah ah buang masa hahah sekarang I buat tanaman kecil-kecilan tapi konsisten iaitu tanam anggur 😂 a.k.a bahasa saintifiknya (lol) menganggur. Yes for this not more then two months I menganggur buat sementara waktu. Bukan taknak kerja but my mother queen and father king tak bagi kerja even part-time huhu. Sedih I (wipe tears). Semuanya sebab nak I uruskan barang-barang yang perlu untuk dibawa bila I pindah nanti. Owh yeahh I tak bagitahu uolls lagi right ? Im gonna move to Sabah around awal bulan June ni. Yes gonna leave Semenanjung for a quiet long time hmm. My mum got kerja tetap there at one of Sabah University. So yeah , our whole fam gonna move there just tinggal adik lelaki gue di sini sebab dia still study here. Got two years and more before he follow us stay at Sabah. It has been our dreams to move there when we can but after a long time I rasa sedih and berat hati nak tinggalkan Semenanjung :'(.

Iknow i shouldn't feel like this but leaving someone and something precious for a long long long long time is a hard things to do. Lagi-lagi bila kau tak tahu bila kau akan bertemu lagi hahahaha but if ada jodoh InsyaAllah izin Allah itu ada kan ? I will believe with that. I really hope that everythings that i love, everyones that i love soo much will still be there and have the same feeling to me even how far i go. Even when i come back after been apart for a few years haha. InsyaAllah :)

Actually, to be honest lah en everytime i get attach with someone or somethingg sooooo deeply its ended up with separation / perpisahan. Serious talk. Why I berani cakap macam ni sebab ini yang berlaku dalam hidup I. Bila I dah betul betul rapat and sayang mesti benda tu tak akan lama sebab I akan pergi jauh from everything and everyone.  Contohnya macam sekarang , bila I dah betul betul sayang and suka dengan life yang I ada sekarang I dah kena tinggalkan semua tu ke belakang sebab I kena pindah. That is why dulu i tak suka nak get attach with anything and anyone. For me semua benda tu sementara so i lagi suka hubungan yang tak akan kemana (cinta monyetlah contohnya) sebab i always rasa semua ni tak akan jadi milik i pun hahaha. I always do that tak kiralah hubungan dengan kawan, junior or even my boyfriend (yang kini telah menjadi ex-boyfriend) sebab i taknak ada rasa macam ni bila i kena berjauhan dengan semua tu but babe with this guy (my baby giraffe meow meow), i sangat sangat dah terlekat macam kena gam dengan gam uhu dah dengan dia.  Even words pun tak boleh nak describe how much i ni dah falling in love with this guy. No just with this guy. All of my friends, bestfriend, my classmates, my junior, teachers, EVERYONES! That have been with me since 2013 untill now. It was a grateful decision to move there on the first place. I met with a lot of people who are sooo nice and always be there when i need. Like i found where i belong. I didn't mean my life with my fam is not great but tak sama rasanya bila I ada dengan diorang semua. I learned a lots of thing about life, friendship, the meaning of being love and to be love, a reason to live my life and banyak lagi.

I know i still have a long journey to go hahaha but just want to take a moment untuk hargai everyone yang ada for me. I really love you guys. I really meant it. I'm gonna miss you all soooo badly haha.

Moving on from your past and take action for it is the first thing you should do if you want to start over everything. It will lead you to the great journey yang you sendiri tak akan sangka. Believe me. Being a girl with a broken piece inside and try to take the piece by piece alone is not an easy things to do but with the right company, friends and surrounding we can make it to be a better person AGAIN !

Everyone deserve a second chance right ? so give it to them. you will never know how things like that can turn them to be a better person then you used to know. :) And for those yang dah dapat peluang untuk berubah tu, kuatkan diri. Berubah for orang really not give you anything, bertambah masalah lagi adalah haha. just find yourself inside someone else. Maksudnya, reflect yourself from someone if you do anything. :)

Much love for uguys who keep reading my entry even banyak kesalahan grammar and kadang kadang tak kena dengan tajuk hahaha. i tulis apa yang i nak tulis. so yeah 😂. hope to see u soon.

Much love, xoxo.
Me.

Hii there , im back !
Whatchu guys doing lately ? are you being fine ? For your information, i dah habis praktikal uollss !!! yayyyy !! finally after 4 months habis juga praktikal yang penuh dengan onak dan duri serta belukar dan semak samun. Banyak nau cobaan hidup haha. tapii.. alhamdulillah the result for all of that dah nampak dah buah-buah kejayaan tu huhu insyaAllah. Minggu lepas iolls seminggu ulang-alik kolej weh. Sakit badan tu memang ya ampun hanya tuhan dan tuan badan je tahu. Ikutkan i malas nak pergi ulang-alik macam tu tapi fikirkan ada benda nak buat and ada orang yang i nak jumpa  (hiks) so i gagahkan diri. Lagipun bukan pernah lagi merasa outsider cenggini hahaha. Minggu depan pun i kena pergi kolej lagi. One more week and lepastu i tergantung tak bertali tak tahu nak buat apa haha. Hm apalah nak jadi dengan hidup gue ni . Rasa macam tak ada hala tuju nak buat apa lepas ni. Doakan gue tabah beb. Banyak benda sangat happen yang tak boleh nak luahkan, rasa nak luah tapi berat sangat rasa dia. Sesak dada weh !  hm

But i hope i tabah je harungi semua benda ni :). Pray for me okay ?

Haritu, Rabu, 12 April 2017, is my second anniversary !!! Luckily he was half day that day so we got a lots of time to spend with each other. I'm soooo happy that day cause he brought me to Bukit Ampang !! One of my list is to see pemandangan kl from Bukit Ampang with him. Orang selalu cakap Bukit Ampang is sooooooo beautiful  terutama pada waktu malam but dapat tengok dengan dia pada petang tu pun dah sangat-sangat bermakna. I never know that I will cry like a baby bila nampak permandangan kl from Bukit Ampang. Like seriously i menangis infront of him. Menangis yang teresak-esak tu and i can't stop. Nak explainkan dekat dia why I nangis pun tak boleh sebab i akan nangis and my voice berubah and mengeletar bila nak terangkan dekat dia . Nampak tak bertapa terharunya gue masa tu :'). Tapi memang terharu sangat sangat . Cause i dapat do one of things that in my list iaitu " Go to Bukit Ampang with my baby giraffe " and dapat donekan list tu pada our special day !

Eventho masa tu he don't remember it is our day ( sedih awok huhu :"( ) but everything went well (after he remember it lol) but as long he is still with me right now, there is nothing i can ask for more. Just hope to be happy and have our long-long journey together.  InsyaAllah :)

Serious talk sakit badan ni tak boleh bawa bincang. Rasa macam nak tanggal je satu satu badan gue ni lepastu hantar pusat urut hahaha .

I guess I see uguys again dalam masa yang terdekat ni ? insyaAllah . Have a nice weekend uolss. Love you alls.

Xoxo, me.

Hii there, how long im not seeing uguys here haha (we are friend right even we do not really know each other, hiks)

How uolls been doing lately ? Is everything fine ? How about life ? Have you smile today or this week or this month ? No ? Okay lets do this, one, two, there ....... SMILEEE ! :) give me the big one there, owh yeah there you go. i love what i see right now haha. Thank you for smiling friends :)

Okayy... what me gonna write in this entry hmm let me see.... okayy start with  my internship life, everything is fine. Lil bit bored cause im stuck in this cubical again haha just have been transfer from Unit Latihan ke Unit Pentadbiran and in this unit i start doing filing AGAIN ! grrr sooo frustating you know. From 8am - 5pm just doing filing and sit inside the File Room. Even the room is so suitable for me to "curi tulang" but dude kalau dah tiap-tiap hari melepet dalam bilik fail tu naik jemu juga aku haha but me survive for 2 weeks now. So, I guess i can handle this thing haha.

Me and my baby giraffe start to take a next phase of our relationship which is .... what ? kahwin ? no !! (but insyaAllah if ada jodoh, aminn haha) we start to focus , i mean really focus on our current life right now (idk about him but me the one who start to take the new phase of our relationship overall lol haha) where he is actually doing 'things' right now. What it is , i don't wanna brag about it just know that he is half study and half working for his future right now. Lets pray together and i really hope he will be strong and well-being at there. :)

And me here right now, start to focus on my internship life. To be honest, me start to focus on my internship i mean really focus to end it soon, to complete all the things for my DVM qualification and also graduation. I just hope it will end soon and i want to take control my life overall and completely after this. it doesn't mean im gonna ditch my family or be far away from them for a long-long time haha. I just want to create and live a life that i will remember for my entire life. A not-really-wise-but-a-wise man told me to dreams a life i wanna live and i will be happy but if i start to control my dreams , i am already a loser. Even I am not really like him and my ego keep push him away far from me but that words tikam my hati banyak kali lah wei hahaha. ( i meant it) So,that is why i want to over all this thing as soon as possible.

I want to find my peneutralisasi pilu, i want to find my ownself, it is not easy babe, even me already 19 and a half years old , i still do not know who i am. the real me. inside here. i do not know. i used to know the lil baby girl that used to play and sing also smile inside this 19 years old body but i do not know where she is now. did she gone ? or already die ? i don't think so because sometimes that lil girl dancing inside me and make me smile till i hurt my cheeks but most of the time that lil girl just sit and scared. i do not know if that is because of my surrounding or because of me. but i really want that lil girl back. i just want she be there back like she used to be. i really want it. :(:

Pray for me okay ? Thank you, friends :)

I start to learn more and understand more about what is going on in my life, but i can't show it to uguys right now hehehe cause im not completely know what is going on haha but i know hahaha (#mabuk).

I really want to thanks everyone who help me when im start to losing myself and start to lost in my dark world. I really do not know what will happen to me if im not meet this beautiful people. My baby giraffe, my Mr. President, my ZilaSephora, my CuhailiCun, my weirdo Nasreen, my cutest Miraew, my Bambam Eqintototo, Janiey Jane and everyone who there when im doing the wrong choice in my life. i can't say any words more than thank you and me really grateful to have uolls ini my life. please be safe & stay inside my heart forever :) thank you <3 ( i really mean EVERYONE , who know me and who i know. Thank you :) )

thank you for reading my entry friends :)
i really hope to see you soon :)
be safe, keep smile and keep love what it ours :)
byee *wave both hands*
xoxo :*
8 love .

Good afternoon there  (( wave both hands ))